Engaging Questions

What is the relative value of statements versus questions? Statements expressed with passion and conviction can have a powerful impact on people. Martin Luther King Jr, was a great orator. Statements he made about the need to treat people fairly had a strong influence on people.

Questions are not as impactful if you limit yourself to analytical questions - asking for facts, data or evidence. Such questions help you analyse situations but they have little or no influence on others.

Questions can be much more powerful if they create engagement, if they involve others in creating shared solutions. Such questions can be much more impactful than statements. We need to look closely at how engaging questions work and how they differ from analytical questions.

Kinds of Questions

Analytical
Engaging
Interest
Empathy

The two most engaging questions are "What to you think?" and "What do you want?" These questions invite people to contribute their thinking and to express their needs or wants. People become actively involved in dialogue when asked such questions rather than just being passive listeners or question-answerers.

Uses for Questions

Solving problems
Engaging people
Building relationships
Influencing tactics
Showing empathy
Motivating people
Confronting
Satisfying clients

1. Solving Problems

Both analytical and engaging questions can be used to solve problems. We limit ourselves by asking analytical questions exclusively and thereby fail to engage people.

Liking to do our own thinking, we ask analytical questions to get the facts so we can make our own decisions. This treats people like databases, not respecting or valuing them as valuable sources of potential solutions.

By contrast, asking people what they think, creates a partnership and shows that you value them as equal partners or collaborators, not just as a source of information. This approach has the potential to generate better solutions. Analytical questions are mainly fact-finding while engaging questions are solution-oriented.

Consider using two kinds of questions. Some examples;

What exactly happened?
When did you first notice it?
Who else saw this?
What patterns are there?
What do you think caused this issue?
What options do you see for resolving this?
What are the pros and cons of your idea?
Who else do you think we should involve?

The first four questions are analytical while the last four ask for the other person's ideas or views. Being strategic about yourself means seeing the difference between the two kinds of questions and consciously shifting back and forth between them so that enough information is gathered while, at the same time, others are involved in generating a solution.

Engaging people in solving problems increases the odds of a better decision. Shared ownership of plans and decisions motivates greater, wider commitment to making decisions happen.

2. Engaging People

Asking engaging questions creates teamwork, collaboration, partnership and shared ownership of plans. When people have a say in plans, they are more likely to work toward achieving them.

Engaging questions that are variations on "What do you think?"

What do you see as the main issue here?
What do you think might be some options for dealing with it?
What are the pros and cons of your preferred option?
What obstacles to you see in the way of implementing your suggestion?
How would you suggest we deal with those obstacles?
How can we be really creative about this issue?

To fully engage people, it's essential to avoid shooting the messenger. If you argue with every suggestion people make or ridicule their ideas, you will shut them up.

If you disagree with any suggested ideas, start by thanking them for speaking up. State what you like about their suggestion and then ask more questions: "I like A, B and C about your idea but what might be the risks of doing D and E?"

Tone of voice and body language are also important. You must appear to be supportive and encouraging, not skeptical if you want people to open up.

Building Relationships

To build relationships with new colleagues, friends, clients or other stakeholders, balance talking about yourself with showing interest in the other person. To show interest, ask them about what they like doing, what successes or achievements they have had. Focus on positive questions. Asking them about their failures or setbacks could depress them and not induce them to like you.

To show interest ask:

What are the main priorities in your role?
What are the objectives of your organization and your role in it?
How did you get into this line of work?
What do you like best about it?
What are some successes you have had?
What plans for development are you working on?
What family do you have?
What do you like to do in your spare time?
What are your favorite holidays?

This is just a small sample of interest questions. Be sure to contribute your side on each question so it doesn't seem like you are conducting an interrogation. If you are trying to build a relationship with an important business stakeholder, find out ahead of time what they are working on so you can ask how an important initiative is going.

3. Influencing Tactics

A classic psychological experiment focused on negative attitudes toward the police. One group with such attitudes was asked to write essays on all the benefits police bring to society. When attitudes were surveyed a second time, this group changed their opinions the most. The moral of the story is that it is easier to influence people by getting them to state advantages in their own words than it is by trying to promote our own views.

Normally, we present arguments to convince people of the benefits of our proposals. We may vary our style by emphasizing different features for different audiences, by trying to be inspiring, by varying the medium or by repeating the message as often as we can.

The option is to ask questions such as:

What would be your preferred solution?
If you adopted this proposal in your department, what would be the benefits?
How could you make this idea work for you?
What would you advise to get this change accepted?
You have come up with some excellent objections, but can you think of some ways we can overcome them?
In your experience, what would be the best way of gaining support for this idea?

Subtle flattery helps. Phrases like "what would you advise," "excellent objections" and "in your experience" asked in a respectful tone can make resistant people feel valued.

Often people resist change precisely because they were not consulted and thus feel devalued. Their resistance is a way of asserting their importance. Arguing with them in a dismissive manner makes matters worse by conveying the impression that you see their views as unimportant.

Influence by Focusing on the Other Person's Needs

We often try to influence people by stating our needs. For example, suppose your boss asks you to take on a project that you don't have the time to do. Instead of telling your boss all your reasons why you can't do this job, try asking questions like: "What is the priority on this job in comparison with everything else I'm doing?"

The idea is to involve your boss in deciding how best to allocate your time and energy while conveying the impression that your boss is your number one internal customer. Make it clear that, following the 80/20 rule, you need to focus on the 20% of priorities that will yield the highest return for your boss.

You can also ask questions about the flexibility of timing for each of your priorities, what other options there might be for getting some of your priorities done or what support might be available.

This is engaging because you're involving your boss in deciding how you should best use your time in order to meet his or her needs. The key is to focus on your boss's needs, not your own. This is just being customer-focused.

4. Showing Empathy

Managers are often criticized for failing to notice that someone is upset. This is not an easy skill to develop, but empathy questions go a long way:

You don't seem very happy; would you like to talk about it?
What are your feelings about this – plus and minus?
What would be the best way forward for you now?
What light do you see at the end of the tunnel?
What do you think you can do to feel better about this situation?
How might this be an opportunity for you?
What useful things have you learned from this setback?
How might this setback be an opportunity for you?
What form of support from us would be most helpful for you?

Asking people how they feel on both sides of an issue, positive and negative, can help them to avoid focusing too much on the downside of a situation. If you just ask how people are feeling, they might give you a bland answer: "OK."

You might also say: "I can understand how you feel?" Then ask other empathy questions, such as:

What would you like me to do differently in future?
How do you think we might have handled this better?
How can we change this in a way that you would find more acceptable?
What can you or I do to help you feel differently about this?

These questions are meant to be examples only. There are hundreds of variations on the theme. The point is to compensate for not noticing when people are upset by regularly asking questions that encourage people to open up about their feelings. Avoid closed questions, those that can be answered with "yes" or "no".

5. Motivating People

Questions can also be used to motivate people, such as:

What would achieving this goal do for your career?
How can you develop yourself to be ready for promotion?
What steps can you take to be more effective in those situations?
How else can you make full use of your talent and experience?
What can you do to show leadership informally to your colleagues?
What strengths can you build on to show that you are a star performer?

Again, these are merely sample questions. The key is to involve people in deciding what to do, to draw solutions out of them instead of trying to sell them your solutions.

6, Confronting People

Normally we confront people by making strong statements. This can backfire if the other person becomes even angrier. Suppose someone is behaving in a bullying manner. Before asking engaging questions, make some empathy statements like: "You seem pretty determined to achieve this; it must be important to you."

Then ask questions such as:

You've taken a strong stand on this issue, I can see your point but what are some possible risks of your approach and how can you mitigate them?
What kind of approach might have had a more positive impact do you think?
What steps can you take to ensure that you maintain good relations with important others?
How do you think the other person feels about your actions?
How can you influence people by focusing on their needs?

Naturally, the angry person will blame whatever is the cause of his or her anger. Try to deflect this by making an empathy statement and asking: What could YOU have done differently?

The point is to enlist the person's help in deciding the best way forward instead of using a telling or selling approach and putting the person down. Confrontational questions should be asked in a supportive, empathetic manner. Even though you're not shouting, you're still confronting the issue with pertinent questions; you're not avoiding it.

7. Satisfying Clients

Clients or other stakeholders may complain about what you're proposing or already doing. This is where the other most engaging question comes in, other than "What do you think?" This question is "What do you want?" Asking an annoyed client "What do you want?" questions helps them to see that you want to listen to them to understand their needs. Here are some examples of these questions:

What would you prefer to see happen?
What would you like us to do differently?
How can we work together to make this more in line with your priorities?
What are your top priorities at the moment?
How can you help us better meet your needs?

When people are angry about anything, it's human nature to see only the negatives. In these situations it can help to say something like: "You have listed some serious concerns and we need to address each one in turn to ensure we are meeting your needs. First, however, let's be sure we agree on the benefits or advantages of our work for you." Get them to list as many benefits as possible, then ask "Any others?" If they can't think of any others, resist the temptation to tell them. Stick to "What do you want?" questions of the form "What about feature A, how much of a benefit is that for you?" This helps the client develop a more balanced view of the positives and negatives of your work before you turn to addressing their concerns.

Conclusion

Engaging questions can shift our identity from that of answer-giver, solution-generator and individual contributor to that of facilitator, catalyst and coach. Arguably, we will achieve more by working more effectively with and through people in this way than by trying to promote our own ideas exclusively.

Further, it is easier to base our confidence on the ability to ask engaging questions than it is on knowing the answers, given that the world is too fast changing and complex for any one person to know very much anyway.

Unless you are a lone inventor, artist or writer, you need to work effectively with and through people to be successful. Asking engaging questions fosters more collaboration and commitment from others than the usual approach of trying to convince them of your opinions. Try it. You might be more successful.